Here lies three-fingered Bro,

It was his time to go.

The dirty bugger had no clue,

He was peeing on his shoe.

That will be my obit.

My present wife refuses to put that on my tombstone out in the pines.

The older we get, we seem to attend more and more funerals, and a lot of old duffers make sure that they get a good meal at the church or at the funeral home.

Thus, they're ahead for the day unless they put a 10 spot in a card and add, "I'm sorry it had to end this way."

About the only time that is applicable is if an upright freezer falls two stories from a office building and squashes you w...