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Being still is both a discipline and very difficult to do. For a person to be still, they have to feel safe, and confident. Becky Rosenkrans made me a bracelet. It is hand stamped in copper, and connected with rivets onto a leather band. It says BE STILL AND KNOW. It is taken from a verse, Psalm 46:10, which reads "Be still, and know that I am God."
It isn't enough in a time of great stress to just be still, to just zone out using a mantra. The reason a mantra doesn't work is because stillness by itself has no anchor. It is like drifting in a boat without oars, how can you land? If you are looking for a place to get away, sometimes, this can help your perspective, but just getting away doesn't solve your problems. You will take them with you.
I remember years ago I brought my problems to Disneyland. Wow! That was a mistake! I had a horrible time. Basically I just put my problems on a rollercoaster, along with myself which made for a very wicked ride. No matter where I went, my problems went with me. I was so miserable I started looking for and reading the sayings which I would see on T-shirts. I was looking for hope. Disneyland is said to be the happiest place on earth, but at that time it was the loneliest place I had ever experienced.
Now I need to mention a very important matter, if you are living in a situation where you are either physically or mentally unsafe, you may need to get assistance. You and the other members of your household need to be safe. Use what ever measures our county provides to help in this matter.
They say that making a change cannot happen in a vacuum. You have to actively work on the issues that are causing you distress. Search out good counsel from someone who has stability in their life. There are people who are trained in our county to help you with your choices.
I had a job once, years ago, to help people find a job, to help them get on their feet. We provided gas vouchers, and daycare assistance, and sometimes even money for a car. This was the hardest job I have ever had. My job was to encourage people and to try to impart good work ethics. Bad patterns are really hard to break, but it is the only way to get back control of your life.
Another really important thing is to "be teachable." How often do you get irritated and defensive when a friend or family member mentions one of your flaws? It doesn't make any difference if the advice is solicited or unsolicited the facts are that someone sees or perceives something you are not seeing. You think "How dare they tell me that I have bad breath!" Do you? Enough said. I can be my worst enemy much of the time. I often add to, or feed the very problem I am trying to get rid of.
No two people are the same. Problems, grief, anger will be handled differently and the length of time it takes to enter into peace, will be different for everyone. I remember a personal tragedy that entered my life approximately 45 years ago. We got the phone call, and after that, I put my face in my hands and cried. I cried and cried, loudly. After that, it was like I walked around in a fog. My emotions were numb. I was in deep grief. I remember opening my Bible and reading out of Psalms. That and when someone prayed for me, was the only thing that helped lift the fog and bring me into a place of peace. It would last for about three hours, and then I would have to go back and read again. As I, in earnestness, cried out to God to reveal himself to me, he did.
I am not trying to make your situation simple or give trite answers to your difficulties. All I can do is share my life and tell you how I deal with trying times. Every day I am faced with scary thoughts, frustration and anger. I am so thankful for the people God has placed in Joe and my life, who walk along side of us, hold us up, and pray for us.
I have memorized the following scripture. Psalms 23 reads, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for He is with me; His rod and His staff comfort me. He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies: He anoints my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever"
Update: Joe started Chemo #2 this week, extreme fatigue, nausea, etc, are going to be part of this war he is in. Again we are so thankful for all of you and your prayers!
Blessings, Julie
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