Good Intentions Can Fall Flat
April 30, 2022
I thought I had started out with a good idea, it made sense to me. Actually, I had been working on a certain situation for weeks. It was kind of like making bread, my idea needed to be kneaded. We work a reply over and over in our mind. You know how it is, you go into a rehearsal mode, like a play, you practice your response before you speak, over and over. You think that you have figured out what to say and how to say it. You are practiced up ready to go!
You apply experiences which you have acquired all your life to your situation. You may even pray for wisdom. How long does it take for Gods wisdom to come, minutes, days, a week, maybe longer? Wisdom is the first and most important ingredient in problem solving. Timing is also very important. You can both overcook and undercook a "situation." I have heard the quote " Fools rush in where angels fear to tread." (That's me!) Waiting is so hard but waiting can be wise. Keeping your mouth shut is even harder. It is very difficult when you are in the "heat" of a situation to step back, and think clearly.
A complete bread recipe has all the ingredients listed in front of you. You collect and measure out all of your "bread makings" which are ready to dump in your mixing bowl. But the big BUT, the ingredients usually go in order one at a time starting with yeast.
We expect God to provide his input, like the ingredients, right away. We want our answers right away, NOW! As I just said, if you are making bread, the yeast needs to be put in first. Have you ever forgotten to put yeast in your bread? Your bread making will come out very flat!
Some advice: "Can you say what you want to say and still show love and respect?"
You may feel that a person you are offended by doesn't deserve respect. Remember, there are many sides to a story.
If you share your situation with a friend that friend can have both good experiences and bad experiences in the matter. This can bring distortion to the way you might choose to handle things. Or it could bring good advice. What is behind the said situation? What was the reason that the words were given which upset you? Often our defenses go up and block our thinking.
Joe wrote this on an index card which I have on the wall above my desk. It says "A PRINCIPLE TO LIVE BY EACH DAY ....UNDERSTAND BEFORE DISAGREEING."
Here's another question: "How would you feel if someone treated you in the same way which you are intending to treat them?" What is your tone of voice and would you like to be spoken to that way?or what did you say in the heat of the moment? People don't like to be pressured, it only brings frustration and anger. What may be important to you, may not be as important to somebody else. You can't change another person's taste or choice. Concerning food, all you can say is "I really like this, I suggest you try it!" I will never eat an oyster. Nope, that will never happen.
Proverbs 19:2 Desire without knowledge is not good, how much more will hasty feet miss the way!
Knowledge: There are many sides to a story. He said, she said, and then they said. And if it is a family member, it is easy to lose objectivity becoming overly protective. It takes time and patience to peel back an onion or to get into the core of a matter. Sometimes it will smell and will make you cry. Important: You need to be safe. You may really miss somebody but they may not be safe to be around. Take your time.
I always try to bring closure to a situation as soon as possible. I also have had a huge problem in the past with confrontation. I never learned how to fight with words. It always ended up messy. I chose to run from conflict because I didn't know how to defend myself. When a matter is important, running is a really bad choice. People who you deeply care about can and probably will be hurt if you don't do anything.
This column is going round and round. I am still stirring my thoughts in my mixing bowl. Maybe it is time to bake my bread. I wonder if it will be only me who eats it?