More P'Nut the Squirrel Details

I should just start a friendly animal section to counter the heat I get over going off on politicians and religious leaders. I thought putting the name of Trump or sharing what Jesus actually says in the Bible in an opinion column stirred up the most heat. I was wrong.

Geez, I mean I get plenty of comments moving around town over my politically and religiously charged opinion columns, but nothing has reached the state of frenzy of me mentioning P'Nut the Squirrel and the injustice that occurred in New York. I've even gotten emails and texts over it. Usually the haters just stick to letters to the editor or be anonymous. Politicians and Jesus? That's small peanuts. People adore their animals.

It was bad enough that the State of New York seized P'Nut the Squirrel to kill, sawed it's brain in half, and checked for rabies, but more has come out. Apparently New York raided the home of the owner because some low life reported him to the state for having two wild animals which apparently is against the law there. Who knows maybe here too. Minnesota is as bad as New York politically. You'd think PETA would have some control over such matters in especially liberal New York or Minnesota.

So the entire unannounced raid was literally to seize a friendly squirrel and a friendly Fred the Raccoon. And now apparently, there may not even have been a bite that got the ball rolling on killing P'Nut. And that is certainly a lie because they also killed Fred the Raccoon who they don't say bit anyone.

So government lies in case any of you were wondering.

If things couldn't get crazier, the Supreme Court of the United States has gotten involved.

"I've just seen too many cases like that," said Justice Gorsuch. "You have just the other day, some of you might have seen one in the newspaper, if the newspapers are to be believed." To laughter from attendees at a conference Gorsuch added: "Yes, I'm speaking of P'Nut the Squirrel."

If newspapers are to be believed? Obviously the Justice hasn't read the Roseau Times- Region. Except for the other opinion column in the paper, it's 100% factually correct.

And there is plenty of social media excitement over P'Nut's demise (seriously two apostrophes? I hope this makes it through editing because I am 100% certain P'Nut's is correct).

And Elon Musk jumped in.

"The government should leave people and their animals alone."

Hear hear. Bill of Rights anyone? Or as Joe Biden would say, "Come on man!"

The Terror of Growing up a Geek in Roseau

It is now part of my job responsibilities to take sports player pictures for the paper. It can be an intimidating process filled with flashbacks. It was actually my first time in the arena locker room. I would have never been caught dead there as a kid. I was a geek and a prime target to get picked on and beat up. The school shower room under the control of Dan Fabian's phy ed class scared me enough and had more than enough wedgies involved. Forty years later I was still looking over my shoulder protecting myself from a wedgie around these fine young lads in the locker room. They behaved themselves. Coach Greg Lund was there to protect me.

It was a relief in 9th grade to move to Burnsville which had a great hockey team as well yet geeks outnumbered hockey players by like 50 to 1 going from a Roseau class of 60 kids to a high school class with 1,100. Geeks unite under the threat of wedgies? Don't come near my chemistry club! We had some chemicals to throw at the wedgie givers so they stayed away. I was the smart kid that talked myself out of plenty of jock intimidation. "Have you considered beating up Jerry? He actually said bad things about you unlike me." Then they were off like moths to a flame and I was scot free.

The Bobby Burger

I generally stayed away from guys like Bill Lund who was in my class while growing up here. I don't think he ever gave wedgies but I never took the risk. Now I get along with Bill especially because he owns Earl's and created that new Bobby Burger. If you haven't tried that thing you're missing out. I always ordered ribs, the best on the planet in my humble opinion, but now switch out between those and the Bobby.

What is a Bobby if you've never had one? Well, just grab a kitchen sink of goodness and stack it in a hamburger bun. It's an actual burger with an additional, I think, chicken patty, bacon, onion rings, and whatever else puts you into Nirvana packed all into one experience. You gotta press it down to get it into your mouth. It's how all burgers should be. Man, I wish that place were open through the winter but that I suppose would cause problems for the girls attending school during the day or waiting on the cars in -40F weather.

Hockey Town!

I mean Roseau when I say hockey town because why should only one school in the nation be "the" hockey town? The Rams deserve that too.

Oops, I better never show my face in Warroad again. Too late. I do the most blasphemous thing a Ram could do in Warroad. I go to the high school at times with a Roseau Rams shirt, Roseau Rams baseball cap, and Roseau Rams hoodie procured from Transfers Unlimited with a strong dose of obnoxious pride.

I haven't had a Warriors wedgie yet. Now they'll have wanted posters around their school so I'll have to be a covert Rams ninja from now on. When I go into Transfers Unlimited to catch up on the latest Rams gear, I tell the very nice lady in the store that she may never see me again as a repeat customer since I'm going into Warrior territory with my new bling and you never know what may happen. I may end up a Rams martyr.