Happy Holidays and Happy Christmas

You can take all your reindeer and Rudolph too, and nothing will ever top the elderly couple I sat across from while covering "Don't Spend Xmas Alone" at the Senior Citizen Center in Roseau about 20 years ago.

Right away they stood out.

They kept their coats on.

They were octogenarians and stuffing their coat pockets with lefse and cookies.

It was beautiful.

Even better, there was no charge, and they likely had plastic bags inside those pockets to stash their loot.

It was Christmas Day and they made my day.

I mentioned them in the article without identifying them or providing a photo. The old gal would occasionally wink when grabbing a handful of cookies.

Take the silverware too, I thought.

I must tip my hat to my late mother, a 1909 model and first generation German-American, who lectured me about turning the other cheek.

"Always see the good in others, Jeffrey," as she yanked one of my ears for emphasis.

That's not my game.

And today, when it is closing in on Christmas 2024, which might be my last ever, I want to do something nice.

Mom had high standards.

Her wayward son doesn't.

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch!" she preached.

We didn't have any chickens, but we would steal apples from the neighbors' trees.

Free is always best.

Or, as Gary Przekwas, a fine gentleman, points out when I show up with the gift of a case of beer, "Beer always tastes better when Bro buys."

I wonder if Elon Musk would foot the bill for the St. Joseph Indian School, which is located in South Dakota and we are on their mailing list.

My wife has donated a few times and they will maybe mail her some moccasins.

The Chumps

Let's lead off with the super rich, with data from Raw Story on how little they pay in taxes and particularly Social Security taxes.

On social security alone, if the uber-wealthy paid into social security at the same rate as the lower and middle classes, the fund would remain solvent and be able to expand benefits instead of slashing them. At present, social security taxes are capped for the wealthy, meaning, they stop paying social security taxes at a certain level which is far below their actual earnings. In 2024, the Social Security tax cap is set at $168,600, meaning income over that amount is not subject to any social security tax whatsoever.

Elon Musk and others of the obscenely rich class make that much money in a single day.

Musk in a single hour.

Imagine that!

The super rich, along with various GOP presidents and politicians, are the ones who stole Christmas.

Why do they need tax cuts?

Look, I'm not broke.

That's not until my wife and I end up in a nursing home.

In separate rooms.

"Bro farts too much!"

Ever see a poor politician?

Get serious.

They're all thieves and steal from the poor.

GOP legislators are toying with reducing payouts under the system, including raising the retirement age and other benefit cuts. As one GOP representative recently told Fox Business Network, "we're going to have to have some hard decisions" on Social Security, Medicaid, and Medicare.

That's sweet of them.

Guess who will get screwed by these Scrooges?

The rest of us.

And that means extending the retirement age for factory workers and other blue-collar workers.

It should be mandatory that every member of the U.S. Congress and U.S. Senate has to work in a factory or stock groceries shelves during their summer breaks.

They'd be some tired stiffs.

The coal train is headed their way with an abundance of lumps of coal.

The Champs

In this life there are some wonderful characters, but none tops Steve "Dog" aka "Papa Smurf" - a rascal, scamp, rogue and scalawag.

He makes life fun.

The 1948 model is much admired by Terry "Gotzy" Gotziaman, which might be stretching things.

The big Greek frequently refers to him as "a spine-tingling cockroach."

Gotzy hails from Ontario, which is in Canada for those who were accidentally dropped on their heads as small children.

But back to the Dog, one of the most interesting gents to fish with, especially up in Ontario.

I showed up without enough grub, and he offered to fry an extra steak for me at supper that evening.

He was frying six steaks on the campfire and that was perfect.

There was six of us.

We all grabbed paper plates while he let them cool off slightly before dishing them out.

I put my paper plate out and the dirty lousy scoundrel fed the steak to his pooch Pokey, a springer spaniel, and I was having nothing to do with that.

I grabbed one end of the steak.

We fought over it, and he growled rather ferociously.

"Let go, Pokey!"

Hell no! He was having nothing to do with that.

We fought over it for at least 30 seconds and everyone was laughing.

I'd been set up by Furuseth.

"Pokey got the steak with freezer burn," he laughed as he reached into his cooler for the remaining steak.

Once I had exploratory surgery to check for cancer and he told everyone I was having a lobotomy. They were surprised I could even talk.

Oh, one last thing.

He calls Gotziaman a "Bug-Eyed Toad."

For sure, the Great Gotzy will feed him poison some day.

One of the many rackets I've run in my lifetime was requesting spare quarters wherever I worked and even back in high school.

"Got a spare dime," I'd say back in the late 1950s.

By the 1970s, I was up to asking for spare quarters.

Spare means free.

As my old man used to say, "There's a sucker born every minute."

He didn't originate it.

In my years at Marvin's - and it will always be Marvin's - I enjoyed great success gathering quarters with the exception of Warner Hendrickson, who knew a panhandler when he saw one.

He gave me nothing.

And I admired that.

Now four decades later, I had to call his wife Denise last week and chastise her for sending us money.

"Let me talk to Warner!"

He was listening to the conversation and said nothing.

"Tell her, Warner, not to waste her money."

Then Denise said something about being an appreciative recipient.

So, I thanked her.

Her late mother, Olga Markovich, a real sweetheart, was the same way and wasted her money on a beggar!

Warner and Denise should be aware of one good turn deserves another. I won't be sending Monopoly money!

The other day, I visited Percy Erickson at LifeCare Roseau Manor in Room 111 and I brought him nothing.

We just chatted.

He is a 1938 model and has this terrific smile and he's in the new addition with a great view.

On the wall were family photos and several of Percy and his late wife Sandra.

He was a trapper and a farmer out in the Pencer area and his smile said it all.

He appreciated the company.

Jack Lund died recently and I need to send Sharon a sympathy card.

Once, maybe 35 years, he and Sharon hosted a graduation party in Bemidji for one of their kids.

I should never have left.

There was plenty to drink, great food, fascinating relatives, and Jack was the life of the party.

He was a sweetheart of a guy.

Some More Gems

I've never been comfortable with fancy dames or high society broads.

I prefer working girls.

Unless they're with the Minnesota State Patrol.

I like clerks, check-out girls, bank tellers, friendly nurses, and bartenders with colorful tattoos who swear.

The other day, I walked into Coast True Value in downtown Roseau and was assisted by a gal who had a number of tattoos on her upper torso. Too bad she wasn't wearing a swimsuits.

She wasn't young but neither am I.

I handed her my watch and mentioned it hasn't run for awhile.

She smiled after opening the back of it. There was no battery.

I know she told me her name.

Forever, she is the woman with at least ten tattoos to the best of her recollection on parts of her body that weren't all showing.

She fixed my watch.

In no particular order, here are the rest of the best for 2024:

Dapper Davie Wilson, Penny Byfuglien, Broken Jaw Hogen, Blondie, Dean "Scrap Iron" Skogman, Tan the Man, Marjie Sporlein, Kevin "You Have No Brakes" Johnson, Donny "Ink Man" Haugen, Terry R. Leonard, Donna "Sweet" Rose, Jeff "Ole" Olson, Dan Urness, and Chad Gerlach.

Since I do some grocery shopping at the only grocery store in Roseau, here's a tip of the hat to Diane, Isaiah, Michael, Heather, Nat, Virginia, Buddy, Kathy, and the rest of the crew that is supervised by Gary Grondahl, who's also a very hard worker.

Treat yourself to some Hostess Twinkies and they should be on the house.

For the rest of the reprobates and rascals not fondly mentioned here, there's always next year.