As you pass go, collect $200

It must be tough to be beautiful.

You wake up every morning, look in the mirror and you're gorgeous.

You gaze at the mirror and think wonderful thoughts.

"Whose life will I excite this wonderful day? I don't look like that homely broad who works across from me and gets the cold shoulder from the UPS guy. All the handsome men, all adorable, just stoop and bow. I love the attention."

That's not my problem.

Never has been.

I see a dwarf in the mirror.

Not literally, of course.

When I sit down to play the piano, my fingers number nine and a half.

Damn radial arm saw.

I cut off three of them with t...