Congratulations, graduates! Now, let's get real!

After a lifetime of screwing up and observing screw-ups, no one will have to pay for my friendly advice.

It's free.

I know you're 18 and fired up for this whole new world of being on your own, but it isn't as easy at it looks.

So, here are a few tips:

1. Life is hard work!

Damn, is it ever!

You're not going to be the bank president in your first job. If you are, you have a rich old man or a generously rich uncle.

So, scratch that idea.

And if you're stacking grocery shelves or working a factory job, work hard.

There's always room for advancement.

And if you happen to be a parent within a year...